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Bullying Bullying: Information for parents from www.dest.gov.au Dear Parent Bullying among children at school is a serious matter. In Australia, nearly one child in five between ages 8 and 17 is bullied weekly, according to the best research on the subject. Bullying has always happened, and there is nothing to suggest it is better or worse now than in the past. However, just because it has always happened is not a reason to let it go on. Education departments, parent groups, school communities, principals and teachers are all working on ways to cut it out. Bullying is not a normal part of growing up and it is not part of any ‘toughening process’ that a child has to go through. It can seriously harm a child physically and emotionally. You, as a parent, are very important in helping your child. Children who are being bullied usually turn first to their parents for help, but often they put up with a lot of hurt before they tell anybody. This brochure is designed to help you see the tell-tale signs if your child is being bullied, and to give you some ideas about what to do if it happens. Dr Brendan Nelson * Bullying in Schools and What To Do About it (1996). Rigby, K. Australian Council for Educational Research, 19 Prospect Hill Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124. What is bullying?
These might be:
Bullying is different from ordinary teasing, rough-and-tumble or schoolyard fights. What makes it different is that the incidents are ongoing, and there is usually an imbalance of size, strength and power between the children involved. The bully might have power not only because he or she is bigger and stronger, but because other children side with the bully often to protect themselves. Research shows: Boys are more often bullied by a single individual; girls more often by groups. There is not much difference between the number of boys and girls who suffer from bullying. The size of the school, or whether the school is single-sex or co-educational or government or non-government, makes no significant difference to the amount of bullying that goes on. Children are most often bullied when they are in their first few years of primary school and again in their first few years of secondary school. Bullying may be very hard to see. Victims may already be having trouble getting on with other children or with teachers. They are often picked on by bullies for this reason. Bullying usually happens out of sight, away from teachers or other adults. The people who are most likely to know what is going on are other children. Children who are being bullied often don’t like to tell anyone because they feel weak or ashamed, or are frightened that it will only makes things worse. They also feel it is wrong to ‘dob in’ or tell tales on other children. If they tell anyone, it is most likely they will tell their parents – usually their mother – or their friends before they will tell a teacher. Some tell-tale signs are:
There are things you can do to help your child if he or she is being bullied. By the time children tell their parents they are being bullied, they may have tried everything they can to deal with it on their own. Telling parents is often a very hard step to take. Children need to:
It helps if parents:
It does not help if parents:
Many parents do get angry, quite understandably, and want to go to the school and sort it out NOW! This might not be the best first step. For one thing, the child will almost certainly be reluctant to involve the school straight away because something they would rather keep quiet could be spread around. The child might also feel at risk of the bully taking revenge. As a first step, it is usually best to:
It is important to find out:
It is a good idea to write down what you find out. There are some important next steps to consider: Never try to sort out the bullies yourself. This rarely works and often makes matters worse. Once you have a clear picture of the situation, and some idea about how you and the child would prefer to handle it, contact the school. Make an appointment to see the principal or the class teacher or whoever you think would be best to see. Don’t barge in. Sometimes, the school welfare officer or chaplain might be a good person to start with. Present the information you have as calmly as possible. Do it in a way that makes it clear to the school that you see yourself and the school as partners in trying to fix this problem. Tell the school what you and your child would like to do, and ask them for ideas as well. Ask about the school’s policy on bullying.
If the bullying is happening on the way to or from school, see if your child can go a different way or join up with other children. This might help while things are being sorted out. It might also be possible for your child to be paired with another more robust child for the time being too. The school could help with this. If your child finds it hard to make friends, encourage them to make a special effort. One good friend can make a big difference. Invite school friends home to strengthen the relationships begun at school. Talk to your child about some of the things that have happened, and discuss some ways of dealing with them, such as:
It is important that children understand the difference between ‘dobbing in’ and reporting something that is serious. Bullying is serious. People get hurt, and some are harmed for a long time. Children have said that being bullied is almost the worst thing that can happen to them. In addition to visiting your school, or the schools you are interested in, there are several places you can go for more information, including:
If you would like a printed copy please contact: Drug Education and Student Wellbeing Section
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